Kongers 500,000 Tung 0
power in Hong Kong. Half a million Hong Kongers marched against Tung.
Communist Chinas HK has more democracy than democratic Singapore"
BigOs Mirror Of Opinion boldly offers.
worries, Master. Its National Day-month. So let me display an unprecedented
feat of nationalism by doing what even your Mui Hoongs, Latifs and Jacobs
can never do bite the hand that feeds for the sake of fierce
nationalism. Here it goes.
BigO, you think your simplistic equation of 500,000 against 0 is oh-so-effective,
meh? Let me bring on my ST (sound-and-timely) equation that speaks
the louder truth: Straits Times readership 400,000. BigO 0. Now,
is that a double O or is that a 00? Hehe hoho. See, as the Hollywood actress
Cher said: "Its a dirty job being ridiculous, but Ill
do it." Over here, only I would.
Front-page headline on July 8, 03 of The Straits Times: "Party
revolt forces HK chief to shelve (anti-sedition) Bill." See, thats
what you get when you choose people-freedom and unrefined democracy over
judicious governance. How to move a country forward like dat? Thats
why unlike HK, were not just an isle but a real COUNTRY. A real
REPUBLIC. Were reeling everyday in our unrivalled political cohesion
and grandeur. Give us time to recover sikit-sikit and well
even say ECONOMIC grandeur.
The nation-builder press, June 25 2003.
Headache" went the headline on an ST report on President Bush
being "the first president since Herbert Hoover to lead the US to
fewer jobs" (July 5, 03). When the US faces unemployment, its
a "jobless headache," but when we face the same predicament
it is a case of "citizenship doesnt entitle you to a job"
(ST, June 25, 03). Cmon lah, now that Singaporeans
have been told to "use their brain," all you angkat-bola
Commentary/Analysis people cannot afford to make it so blatant, mah.
Singaporeans will realise how partial you are, now that they are putting
on their thinking cap to analyse and think. So please wake up your curry
idea. Simple angkat-cakap wont do no more.
Chua Mui Hoong, on our PM announcing a radical stand to tolerate gays
in the civil service, says, "its all about tolerance, not gay
rights"(ST, July 9, 03). See, what a blunder. That means before
the new ruling was announced, the Government had always been intolerant,
lah. Please, now that people are using their brain, theyll
be drawing a few conclusions of their own. Furthermore, she said: "Remember,
this is not about gay rights. This is about economic competitiveness."
Horror of horrors! What kind of values or morals do we, as a society,
have when even gay-acceptance is done for economic rewards!
went to a neighbourhood community library one day to borrow the
collected works of William Wordsworth. The librarian (librarian,
I stress) asked: "How do you spell Wordsworth?" After
I spelt it for her, her next question was: "Whos the
author?" As youd probably guess by now, she then told
me that they dont stock the book.
However, I do have to give her credit for saying something so bold and
outrageous like its the most natural thing to do even when its
about the (still) legally unnatural (gays). Is she trying
to upstage me in being ridiculous? If she is, she should know that hers
is not a dirty job but an ultra-clean one. Therefore, it doesnt
count. She mustnt confuse servitude with being ridiculous. Uh-uh.
And then on July 10, 03, Chua wrote in The Straits Times Life!
"How you live matters more than how long you live" in relation
to the fatal surgical separation of the Iranian conjoined-twins by a surgeon
here. Imagine how some of our ministers might take to a statement like
that, especially the senior ones! Of course, we know that the statement
was meant to console all of us that our glory of making medical history
(in operating on the twins) was not meant to be. But STILL
! Is that
a hint directed at our Masters? Tsk tsk tsk.
And then, and then
the headline for that Life! essay was "The
Real Meaning Of Life." Ai-yah, how can people "use their
brain" when every minute they are told the meaning of this and the
meaning of that? I also noticed that in conclusion, she wrote: "Who
else, but the twins themselves, can say if it was all worthwhile?"
So for all we know, maybe Chua was hinting at communicating with the dead.
Now, would our very senior and old ministers be comforted by the thought
that when theyre lying six feet under, a reporter-séance
is trying to tap into their spirit-thoughts for all to read? Makes me
wonder if Chua was focusing on the living or the dead? (Double the tsk.)
On the matter of the twins unsuccessful operation here in Singapore,
another columnist Andy Hos assurance was more forthright.
He said: "Risky? You bet. Unethical? No"(ST, July 10, 03).
Another writer Natalie Sohs report on the same day was just
as pertinent: "Sisters made an informed clear decision" and
"Success was virtually impossible." Im sure our Masters
twin-bun felt rightfully covered and protected by that kind of blanketing
perspective on the mishap. Chua just sounded like she was spanking round
I am probably the most unsung hero in the land. Here I am
doing all this dirty work for all those curry people, and
what credit/reward do I get in return? Not a word of thanks. Still, I
do more. What an SOS-sucker I am!
I went to a neighbourhood community library one day to borrow the collected
works of William Wordsworth. The librarian (librarian, I stress) asked:
"How do you spell Wordsworth?" After I spelt it for her, her
next question was: "Whos the author?" As youd probably
guess by now, she then told me that they dont stock the book.
Baby, Im amazed. Not so much at the librarian (hey, Im Singaporean
enough to understand why Phua Chu Kang beckons all to "use your brain"
in his rap song) but at the fact that we dont have Wordsworth in
our common library. What do they stock in public libraries? Durian books
and durian-architecture manuals? I dont care if Im over-reacting.
Were supposed to be a centre of the arts! Is stocking Wordsworth
in the library something we have to take time to learn to do? Whats
more , weve got a Writers Festival in Singapore this month to help
forge our image as an arts-hub. Daring!
Cmon Bertha, lets hear it said again "gimme
a break." Good girl, now go sit with the librarian in a corner
til your Bertha Butt colleagues boogie on with a sensible piece
in the morning prop-sheet to urge librarians to "do their part"
for the good of our one-nation art-hearts. No Wordsworth? Let me spell
it out its a crime against culture!
how easily the tables turned, a siow friend remarked. Not
referring to the urging but the fact that it is now
Singaporeans who couldnt embrace diversity when it was really
the authorities who wanted no diversity for nationhood in the first
place, he said. I quickly shushed him from saying more but he said
its alright now 'cos weve been urged to speak up. Oh
my. How can I not sing praises til the cows cum home of our
suddenly so beautifully liberal and open system.
"Stop griping about us please" was the headline for a Family
Matters! Singapore column in The Sunday Times (June 29, 03) with
an accompanying picture of 10 teens beaming for Singapore to be remade.
I noticed, I noticed!! Now, which of you curry and puff girls/guys would
read me and then admit to doing so in writing? Such a simple act of basic
honesty you also cannot own up to, how to serve our Master with truer-than-true
pride? Scared the Cultural Medallion will come to me instead, is it?
Cmon, lets hear it for The XHo-Files now "gimme
a break!" Boy, do I need it in these economically challenged times.
Citizenship may not entitle me to more money but huffing and puffing does,
doesnt it? On that score, let me say that what I do isnt venting
at all (how those insecure power-puffers try to put me down to earn more
credit for themselves). Its mending mending the loopholes
in all the careless curry-talk and not getting due credit in return. (Yes,
my heart is mending too.) Its time I show them that I am also standing
on the side thats winning. It may not be about winning alone. But
it certainly is about not losing out I can tell you. This month, Ill
leave the under-dogging to BigO.
Front-page headline of The Sunday Times on July 13, 03: "PM
hints at further relaxing of controls." Right next to it, a blurb
of two stories in the papers that day, "Ma, Im gay an
(identified) marketing executive talks about coming out," and Wendy
Jacobs (Mrs Fandi Ahmad) was quoted saying "Everyone thinks Im
this tyrant" (their bold print). Ooh, tyranny and sexual mutation
rolled into a neat new liberation movement. Big hint, hint, hint at a
much-needed change in mind-set from the State to "urge Singaporeans
to embrace diversity and make themselves heard." Honey, were
not like before, or yesterday, or just three moments ago.
Look how easily the tables turned, a siow friend remarked. Not
referring to the urging but the fact that it is now Singaporeans
who couldnt embrace diversity when it was really the authorities
who wanted no diversity for nationhood in the first place, he said. I
quickly shushed him from saying more but he said its alright now
'cos weve been urged to speak up. Oh my. How can I not sing praises
til the cows cum home of our suddenly so beautifully liberal and
The siow friend then said that I should be given some credit for
the call to change since Ive written so much about the system in
my two books. I told him, no-no, Im learning to just do with a handsome
a modest royalty if truth be told) and to just "do
it for the good of all." I know I risk sounding like a pompous giver
there but Ive really learnt from the "messengers of god."
Yes ma, Im so gay about learning to think like the Mui Hoongs, Latifs
and Jacobs, so joyful that Im gonna urge all those gay celebrities
I know to come out of their media-copped closets and support the new gay
economic-cause. They could call their trade union Zircon Gov. Gay Stars.
I promise I wont sue. (I can see the PM winking my way to say
good show of spirit.) It may not be about gay pride, but it certainly
hints at a happy economic alliance. (Am I imagining things, or
do I see the SM winking too?)
I can just hear it, from Marine Parade to the Seletar Hills, every homin-for-home
homo will be screaming "Im gay," "Im
more gay," "Im gay too and much more talented."
Lordy mama, arent we glad we have all the licensed gay saunas to
lend scrubbing support now. And the cops can do away with their call-of-duty
raid on those places 'cos they wont need to cover their butt no
more. Uh-uh, macho-Marys, dont aim there, homo-sex is still
a crime. I think Singapore has come up with a new breed of unique sexual
"deviants" homonosexuals. Consider it our birthright to
be so extraordinary. Remember, "its not about gay-rights."
Do I sound like Im parroting you, Ms. Chua? Sorry, lurve, I do mean
the check there for the good of all!
And now to celebrate the nations birthday with the gay-est salute
ever. I promise to get a big PINK cake (Ill make sure its
a SPONGE). Ill light up all the THICK-rod candles (thinking of all
the bulbs in our digit-heads lighting up) and Ill give a great big
blOw with doubled pride (gay pride included but not gay rights, of course).
Thats a big O in the blow, as Singaporeans are wont to miss print-hints
unless theyre bold and extra obvious. "O" with ruby red lips
that are no longer sealed or "closeted" 'cos they know how to roll with
the flow. So with an articulate (albeit a little puckered) big O on my
lips, just watch me go. But sorry, macho-warys waiting in the wings,
I still cover backside, one!
I may be a Ho, but I know enuff to say no mo. Whenever, whatever.
Power-puffers, dont be too jealous, hor! "Happy angkat
to you, happy angkat to you
" too. When I think of Singapore,
how can I not think of you! Cmon, maybe you cant say it, so
let me say it for you. Remake Singapore? Our Masters can never
do it without you. I should think you have economic-recession immunity.
I should, but
I dont. Bum-side felt. X'Ho
NOTE: Visit X'Ho's official site at www.xhosux.com.
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